Being a mom is hard. I know what any mom who is reading this is thinking: Duh. But that statement has been at the forefront of my mind lately. There have been many times in the past month where I've been close to a complete "Mommy meltdown."
Being a mom is hard for so many reasons and for each mom, I think those reasons are different. For me, one huge reason is that I worry. Yes, I know, as mother’s we all worry. My worry comes from when she is not with me and how the two very different ways that she is being raised are going to affect her through her life. I don’t know what goes on when she’s with her dad and I realize that I’ll only know what she tells me, which only makes the worrying worse, but I do know that there is a huge difference in our parenting styles. It’s obvious to anyone who spends a lot of time with Peyton that she comes back from weekends with her dad a different kid.
Which makes me worry about the inevitably difficult teen years and the day she says, “I want to live with my dad.” Because I can already tell that dad’s house is going to be the house where anything goes and mom’s house is going to be the one filled with discipline and rules. And while I know that I’m doing the right thing, it’s not easy. It would be much easier to just cave in, but I don’t and because of that, I often times feel like I’m not such a great mom.
I would guess that most parents, moms especially, sometimes feel like they could be a better parent. I feel that on a daily basis, especially in terms of patience. I’m not a patient person, as I’ve mentioned before, and I know that I especially lose my patience with my daughter. I have to remind myself that she’s only 4 and in a situation and life that she is still trying to figure out.
I know there’s a long road ahead of me and there are going to be a million more reasons for me to worry as she gets older, but I also know that it’s completely worth it. I have an amazing kid, such a special little girl, and no matter how hard it is, I know that I’m blessed to have her in my life and I will do whatever it takes to give her the best life that I can. And that life doesn’t mean buying her whatever she wants or letting her always have her way. That life is about loving her as much as I can and teaching her everything she needs to know to be the best person that she can be.
Thankfully, I have the most amazing support system with my family. I don’t know what I would do without them and beyond that, what Peyton would do without them. They are all such wonderful role models for her to have in her life. So, as much as I worry about how things are going to turn out for her down the road, I know, deep down in my heart, that with all the love that surrounds her, she is going to be more than fine. Now if I could just learn a little bit more about patience… :)