Meet the Knauss'

Most people probably meet their significant other’s parents much sooner in a relationship then after they get engaged. But, so it goes when you are in a long distance relationship. And I would guess that most people are nervous about this first meeting, hoping that the two sides hit it off. Because anyone who says that it doesn’t matter if you get along with your in-laws is crazy. It’s important and totally does matter. If there is one thing that I have learned from my previous marriage, it’s that.

My previous in-laws did not like me much from day one, whatever their reasons may be. I wish I knew because I bent over backward to change that. But it didn’t. And when I think about why they probably didn’t like me, there was nothing I could have done to change it. We were just too different in our values. This does not matter at all now of course but it does make me realize how much better a relationship is when you like your partner’s family and they like you.

From the minute that I met Chris’ family, they have been beyond welcoming to me. I was definitely more nervous for them to meet me than I was for them to meet my parents. I was very concerned about what they would think about a newly divorced, single mom dating their son and brother. If they had a problem with it, they sure never let me know. I felt instantly comfortable with them. They really made me feel like part of the family from day one. I absolutely love them!

So, as we all sat around together this past weekend, that’s what I thought about.  How important family is. How much I love my family. How much I love the new family that I’m becoming a part of. How when two people get married, two families are joining together, whether they like it or not. And luckily for me, in my case, it’s the former.

I think that’s part of the reason that I wasn’t nervous for everyone to meet. I know that I have the best parents in the entire world and knowing them, I knew that they would like my future in-laws as much as I do and vice versa. My happiness that I get to spend the rest of my life with Chris is now magnified by the fact that we both have amazing families that like each other. So, when it comes to splitting time at the holidays and going on vacations and doing the things that families do, I find so much peace in knowing that Chris and I will always be happy in who we do those things with because we will be with people we enjoy being with and love.  

Disney is the most magical place on earth!

I just got back from the most wonderful vacation to Disney World with my family and thought I’d share some of my thoughts on the trip that may help those of you who may plan a trip there in the future!

1. Disney is definitely the most magical place on earth. I don’t care how old or young you are, it’s magical.

2. Fastpasses are one of the best inventions ever. For those of you who haven’t been to Disney in awhile, they now have something that lets you cut in line! You go to a Fastpass kiosk, get a ticket with a time on it and during that time, you get to come back and go to the front of the line. And believe me, this comes in handy for some of the rides, like Toy Story Mania, that attracts huge crowds. Who wants to wait in line with a four year old for an hour? Not me, that’s for sure! Fastpass it!

3. Travel with as many adults as possible, preferably four or five per child. I advise this for anyone that has kids that loves Disney characters. There are lines all over every park where you can meet these characters and get their autographs. My father quickly came up with the plan of having the adults split up into the different lines and then just pass Peyton from adult to adult. It worked brilliantly! We didn’t have to wait forever in those crazy lines and we kept Peyton happy!

4. Bibbity Boppity Boo is a bippity boppity Noo! These little girls that were supposed to come out looking like little princesses looked more like teenage girls trying to sneak into a club with crazy hair extensions, body glitter and far too much makeup. Scary.

5. Some rides are totally worth a long wait in line. Those rides would include: Toy Story Mania, Space Mountain, Expedition Everest and Splash Mountain. Rides not included in that category would be: Winnie the Pooh and Peter Pan. The two latter rides always seemed to have 45 minutes waits and for the life of me, I can’t understand why.

6. Apparently the phrase “excuse me,” means something different to different people you will meet while in the Magic Kingdom. I say this because after very politely saying, “excuse me”, I got verbally accosted. Once by a man who told me that I could wait for his wife to fix her hair because I would wait 20 minutes in line for a ride so I should be able to wait for his wife. Uh, ok. Then I said that seemingly innocuous phrase to another woman who then screamed it back at me. Apparently just pushing past people may be the more polite thing to do.

7. Again, Disney is the most magical place on earth! But I have to say, going with my parents, sister, brother-in-law and daughter was really what made it such a magical trip! They made it perfect and gave me memories that I will treasure always.

Remembering 9/11

I hate to admit when I am wrong, but I’m going to do it publicly right now. Several afternoons ago, I was complaining to my mom about why our troops are still in the Middle East, why they haven’t been brought back yet, because really, what were we accomplishing anymore?

And then a few days later came the news of Osama bin Laden’s death. I really didn’t believe that we would ever see this day. As someone who was in New York City on September 11, 2001, I was hoping we would, but didn’t think it was really possible.

I can still remember that entire day so vividly, as I’m sure most of us do. I think about it every time someone mentions New York City. I was only there for 2 weeks before the attacks took place and I was not wild about living there. But I will always feel a connection to that city and to the people that I spent that day with. It’s impossible to explain how it felt to watch out of a window as the second plane came flying in and watching the towers fall. They are the same images that we all have seen hundreds of times, only instead of being framed by a TV screen, mine are framed by my Brooklyn apartment window.

That day changed my life in ways that I am not fully realizing until now. I know that my life would be incredibly different if I had stayed in New York. But, I fully believe, and always have, that everything happens for a reason. Sitting in church this weekend, that belief was strengthened.

A young man who was just graduating from college gave the homily and I have to say, it was one of the best homilies that I have ever heard. He spoke about God having a plan for all of us, even if we aren’t aware of it. He is always there, guiding us and helping us in ways we may not expect.

I know that I ask God often for more patience with my precocious little girl (and I still need a lot of it!), hoping somehow that she’ll settle down a little bit. And then I realize, she is God’s way of giving me more patience. I need to learn how to be more patience and by being her mom, that’s how I’m going to do it. Of course, it’s not that simple, but nothing that’s worth achieving usually is. And I certainly don’t want to change her outgoing personality. So, to me, that’s God’s answer to my request.

I’m not sure what God’s plan was for Osama bin Laden and why it took us so long to find him. But I am so thankful for the troops who have spent the past ten years searching for him, not giving up on finding him the way the rest of us may have. They have all been fighting a war I know that I would never be brave enough to fight.  So, thank you to all of the troops. I hope they feel some vindication now for all of the sacrifices they have had to make.  

What others think...

There was a time in my life when I cared a considerable amount about what people thought about me. I often let that concern take over my life and the decisions I made, whether or not it made me happy or not. There always seemed a little voice in the back of my head that asked, “What would so and so think about this?”

Maybe I’ve learned over the years that you can’t worry about what other people think, that you can’t please everyone. But I’d like to believe that it’s because I’m now accepting of who I am. In fact, I really like who I am and to admit that is a huge step for me.

Getting to this point was not easy. I know counseling helped a lot but I’ve also done a lot of self reflection and I’ve realized that when it comes to what others think about me, I can’t worry about it. At least not in the ways I used to.

People’s reaction to my engagement made me think about this and just how much my mindset has changed. I knew there would be people who thought it would be too soon. Those people are welcome to their opinion but they are wrong. I know that if that’s how they feel, then they don’t know me, Chris and our relationship.

So, I chose not to focus on those people. Instead, I’m celebrating with my family and friends who know how happy I am and how right all of this is. That’s what I focus on. That’s what I care about.

I’m 32 years old and finally ready to make decisions about myself, for myself without worrying who I am offending and who I am pleasing. And if someone doesn’t like it, it’s ok with me. I’m not worrying about it.

Single mother no more!

So…I got engaged this past weekend! And since then, I’ve been trying to decide what to write about. I wish I could share more of the details of my engagement…but I really don’t remember much of what happened! I attribute that to shock. We had talked about it and when we did talk about it, I was under the wrong impression that he was going to wait until later this summer. Surprise! I wasn’t convinced what was actually going on until I saw the ring, despite the fact that he was down on one knee and clearly emotional. All I know is, I am the luckiest girl in the entire world. I couldn’t be happier and hope that everyone has or will find the same happiness that I’ve found. I love you Chris and can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you!

Of course, being newly engaged, I’ve already purchased several bridal magazines and signed up for the Knot. And looking at all things wedding, my mind is reminded of one thing over and over…it’s diet time!

Now anyone who knows me, knows that I try my best to work out on a daily basis and eat well for the most part. But now, it’s game time! I’ve always struggled with my weight my entire life and have tried practically every possible diet and workout fad that has existed. And most don’t work. At least not in the long term.

So, this makes me think, what to do? I’ve had success with the Firm and P90X in the past, I love yoga and walking but lately, I’m stuck. And right now is not the time I want to be stuck! So, I’m starting a new workout regimen – Tracy Anderson’s 30-Day Method – and we will see how that goes.

Regardless of whether I lose another pound or not though, I do know that my future husband loves me for me. And above all else, that’s what matters the most.

A Blue and Gold Weekend

You know you are a die hard football fan when you sit for two hours in a cold, constant drizzle to watch a team’s spring game. And that’s just what I did last weekend along with 28,000 other crazies.

My mom, dad and I headed to South Bend, Indiana, which I consider to be one of the best places on earth. For those who don’t know, it’s the home of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and a second home to me. I not only spent most falls of my childhood there, but also four years of college at Saint Mary’s, the (in my humble opinion) better school. Either way, there is nothing quite as magical to me as a football weekend in the Bend.

Spring game or not, it was fun to see the Irish back on the field and gave me something to hold over my impatience for the college football season to start. Fall can’t come soon enough for me!

After the game, we went to mass at the Basilica, which is one of the most beautiful churches in the world. And I’ve been to Rome, where there are more beautiful churches in a square mile than anywhere else. Sitting there, staring at the amazing arched ceiling, I was flooded with so many wonderful memories.

I thought about my mom telling me how when I was little, I said I wanted to go to Notre Dame, not Saint Mary’s and when she asked why, I said, “Because there’s boys here.”

I thought about my sister when we were kids and walking around with handmade signs that shouted in brightly colored marker “I need a ticket.”

I thought about my time as a football manager and how awesome it was to work at football practices, buff helmets before they were painted, get the locker room ready before game days, and getting to touch the Play Like A Champion Today sign.

I thought about how I met two of my best friends in the world at SMC and found another who had been in my life for a long time, my sister, that I didn’t fully appreciate until we shared a year in South Bend together.

I thought about how just seeing the Golden Dome makes me think of my parents and where they met and how glad I am that they did.

And most of all, I think of how there are so few things that can replace the feeling I have of being in South Bend on a football weekend, with my family and friends. Whether the team wins or loses, I’ll always have that. Even though I’d much prefer we win! Go Irish!

Happiness is...

Making the decision to get divorced was not easy. Duh. I knew for a long time that the relationship was not healthy and going nowhere, for years probably. But it took me a long time to finally make that final step because I was scared. Scared because I had been out of the work force for so long and knew that I would need to find a job to support Peyton and I. Scared because I think there’s a certain stigma still with being divorced and I was worried at how people would react and if they’d treat me the same. Scared because I thought I might never find anyone who would want to date me, being a single mom. I mean, I’m a handle full on my own, but adding a kid and an ex that will always be in my life – that’s a lot to ask of another person to take one.

I soon realized that being miserable trumped being scared. So I took gave him the papers and the process began. It was actually pretty painless for me. It might sound callous of me, but I never shed a tear over the end of my marriage. By that time, I knew I was making the right decision. And the things I was scared of soon melted away – even if they didn’t go away.

I still needed to find a job – still do. But I’ve dealt with that fear by realizing that I can only do what I can do. I just keep plugging away on the job hunt and know that the right thing will come along eventually.

As far as how people were going to treat me after I got the divorce, I realized that wasn’t my problem, but theirs. If someone really cared about me, they saw how much happier I was, how much healthier it was for everyone involved and supported me. There are those who don’t and maybe they just don’t understand just how bad things were. I was embarrassed for a long time to admit just how bad they were, so I think some people just don’t get why it didn’t work out. Regardless, divorce is the kind of event that helps you know who really wants to be in your life and who it might not matter as much to.

And finally, as scared as I was that I wasn’t going to meet someone, I wasn’t so scared that I went looking for love with some kind of desperation.  I figured I’d be single for a little while and then maybe try to meet someone. Try online dating, something like that. But, it didn’t happen that way.

Somehow, I found someone who not only accepted me with all of my flaws and difficulties, but embraced my life and the difficulties in that as well. I’ve tried as many ways as I can think of to try to scare him off, to show him how difficult my life can be sometimes, but he clearly doesn’t scare easily. Not at all actually. I feel so blessed every day to have him in my life. I could go on forever about him and how great he is, but I don’t want to nauseate anyone. :)

It’s funny to me now how happy everyone tells me I am. It makes me think I was a miserable mess before. And I realize I was. But not anymore. And not ever again. I realize that divorce doesn’t work out the best for everyone, but I don’t believe in being miserable in a relationship. It does no one any good and life is far to short. And in that short time, you should be as happy as possible. And right now, I’m happier than I ever dreamed I’d be.