My daughter, my teacher

Peyton and I just got back from a fantastic vacation in the Outer Banks with Chris and his family. It was so great to spend time with my future in laws, getting to know them better and them getting to know me better. And being at the beach sure didn’t hurt! My only complaint: the getting there and the getting home.

It took 4 hours to go 90 miles on the day that we arrived. The stress from the drive was quickly wiped away when we finally got to the house and I didn’t think about it until the night before I had to make my drive back to the airport. I hadn’t been worried about bad traffic trying to get off the Outer Banks and onto the mainland on a Thursday afternoon, but Hurricane Irene changed that. So, with the urging of my wonderful fiancée, Peyton and I left for the airport at 7 am for a 4:15 flight, just in case people were starting to evacuate.

They weren’t. So, Peyton and I arrived at the airport at 9 with 7 hours ahead of us. We killed some time touring around Norfolk, going to a movie and having lunch, getting back to the airport 2 hours before our flight took off only to find out our flight was now delayed until 6. Long story short, we finally boarded at 6:15 pm, landing in Detroit around 8, 13 hours after our day began.

Now, the point to my long explanation of my unfortunate travel issues is that I learned some valuable lessons that day that I hope will not only make me a better person, but more importantly a better mother. Despite all of the waiting and driving and waiting and flying and waiting, my amazing daughter did not voice one single complaint all day. Not once did she whine about why it was taking so long or why we weren’t leaving yet or why she wasn’t home already. Her mother, on the hand, complained a whole lot.

Several other people waiting for the flight as well commented on how impressed they were with her, as she sat in her chair quietly, playing with her toys, completely content. I have been proud of her at many moments in her life, but maybe none more so than this day. She was absolutely amazing and it made me reevaluate my thinking.

I learned that as a mother, I need to cut her a little slack sometimes. I can so easily get caught up in the few things she does wrong instead of appreciating all of the wonderful things that she does right. From now on, I’m going to try my best to focus on those things and remember them when I get angry about something that she has done.

I learned that I need to give my incredible little girl a whole lot more credit. I complained and whined that day because I was worried that she was going to break down at any moment and a huge fit would ensue. I realize now that this is a kid who has been through a lot this last year and has handled it all so gracefully that she can manage a couple of hours waiting in an airport.

I learned that I just when I thought I couldn’t possibly love her anymore than I already do, my heart finds a way to expand and fill up even more with pride, adoration and love.

I learned that I am so proud of her and who she is becoming. She truly is an amazing little girl and I wonder how I was lucky enough to be blessed with such an awesome little kid.

And most importantly, I learned that it’s not only me that’s going to be teaching her throughout her life. She’s going to be teaching me as well. 

The trick to love...

As we were going through all the boxes in my basement storage, I came across a piece of paper I had saved with a picture of a dog on it that had torn up a bunch of toilet paper and looking very remorseful. I’m imagining that I saved it because it reminded me of my parent’s dogs, Gipper and Ty, who have chewed up their fair share of bathroom tissue.

But, at the bottom of the page is a quote, a quote that really got me thinking. It says, “It’s not trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst.” I’m sure when I read this at the time, I thought of those dogs too. I mean, they’ve eaten everything from sewing needles to cherished photographs to money. Now, when I read that quote, I think about me and my life and how true that statement really is.

I will be the first to admit that I am a difficult person. I have mellowed a bit over the years, but I am more than willing to say that I’m not the most patient person. I can be quick tempered. I like things my way. And when I’m mad and things aren’t going my way, watch out!

Now, this is not to say that I don’t think there are positive things about me. I’m well aware of my good points as well, but I also know that sometimes those negatives can wipe the positives out of someone’s memory through my ridiculous behavior. And that’s what got me thinking about how you really know if someone loves you. Because it’s true. If someone loves you even through the bad times, they must really love you.

I think back to what I put my parents through as a teenager and they must have really loved me to not have kicked me out at 18 and say “see ya later!” Yes, they are my parents and of course they love me, but you didn’t have to live with me during those lovely formative years.

I think about my sister and how horrible I treated her growing up and now she’s my best friend. She really had to love me to deal with the nonsense that I threw her way. That poor girl dealt with way too much drama for way too long. And yes, it’s another example with a family member, but I know many families who don’t speak to each other for far less than the things that I have done.

There are many friends of mine who’ve gone through a lot with me as well and as I get older and our lives get more complicated, I can tell pretty easily who is going to be there and love me no matter how ugly and complicated my life gets.

Now, I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about me – it’s not like I was the worst human being in the world. But, I wasn’t entirely happy with myself and that just leads to negative behavior. And until recently, I had spent a lot of time being unhappy and it led to that bad behavior again. You know what they say – misery loves company. That all changed when I decided to make the change that I needed to and now I couldn’t be happier.

And a large part of that happiness comes from the wonderful person that I’ve found to share my life with. He is truly a person that loves me even at my worst. He’s seen the worst that I have to offer and he has stuck around. And I think I can probably say I’ve seen the worst of him as well and it only makes me appreciate our relationship more. When you see someone in their least favorable light and find your love not only still there, but maybe even stronger, that’s something special.

I’ll be hanging this paper on my fridge to remind me everyday of how lucky I am to have that kind of love in my life in so many shapes and sizes. Maybe I should make a copy for my parents too - for the next time those dogs eat something else they shouldn’t. That’ll probably be tomorrow. You’ve got to love those dogs!